Sacrifice Returns the Soul

Crying inside,
Begging to know
The secrets that possess you,
The thoughts behind your eyes
The locks to the happenings
Inside your mind.

But not daring to ask,
Out of fear.
Fear that you wouldn't say,
Or worse, that
You would blame
All this heartbreak on me.

Knowing in my heart
That maybe,
Just maybe,
I am to blame
For this bedraggled version
Of the person you used to be.

And those beautiful eyes,
Cocoa- colored eyes,
Stare blankly ahead
Through the cracked windshield
Which is all I can offer,
Because its all I've ever had.

I can feel it,
Slowly, surely seeping away.
The emotion, the feeling
The soul in your body,
The you
Is leaving.

And all I have now
Is a ghost, going by your name
The name you never preferred,
Never wanted.
The name you now obligatorily
Embrace.

And this ghost
Commands her fingers
To close around
A cup of cold, bitter coffee
From the convenient store
That sells lifestyles on the side.

She tells herself
Leave the store,
Walk to the car,
Sit down on the moth-eaten,
Worn down old passenger seat
Of my beat up car.

And I watch,
As if from above
With that dread in my heart,
My stomach, my soul.
And I feel like I should give myself
To this ghost, so she will once again be someone.

But I know that this ghost,
Still with an inkling of you left in her,
Would refuse.
For you would never feel whole
Without yourself and your companions,
Without the breathing of your consciousness in your mind.

So I don't say anything,
And I start the car
With it's noisy clanking filling
The silence that's been so common to me
Since this fallout of yours
That happened those days last week.

Still silent,
But with white noise from
This loyal old friend
That seems more reliable
Than you've been lately,
I pull away.

Across the cracked asphalt
Of the parking lot
Which is home to so many
Lies, cries, and begs for mercy
That I refuse to join,
Because I feel like I'm stronger than you now.

The thoughts,
You know the ones,
The ones about you
And how you're really gone
Consume my mind
As I drive.

And I begin to roll
Down the beaten dirt road
So much faster than I'm allowed.
Back-road speed-limit says 35.
I was never one to follow rules,
And neither were you.

And that whispering Voice,
That paranoid, guilt-ridden little Voice
Who for some reason always speaks of you,
Begins to speak again now.
And tells me it's okay
To drive now.

Even now, I begin to fear
The reason the Voice
Speaks now and says,
Of all things
"It's okay"
Because that makes me know it isn't.

And I begin to wonder,
As the clouds begin to form,,
On the ground and in the sky
Whether I've made the right choice,
Because so many lights
Are telling me no.

But the Voice says yes.
It says this is freedom.
Freedom from the fairy-tale
That you pulled me into
Days before the death
Of your soul.

It says
This is freedom from
All those people
Who tell me that
I'm the bad one.
That I'm to blame.

But I'm not.
I was never in your mind.
Because you had someone else.
Another person,
Another confessor,
Another sister.

And then I see you
Standing above me
Tears in your eyes
And I know I was right.
Because for all this pain,
You now have your soul once more.